The intro was very interesting and draws the reader in. The description of the ad was very good because even if you hadn't sent the pictures of the ad, I would be able to picture the ad. Also the critique of the ad in the last paragraph is good. It makes the paper more dynamic.
You might want to consider creating more of a transition from the description of Alzheimers in the intro to your thesis. It sort of creates the feeling that your paper is more about the disease than the ad. You also bring up some very interesting ideas such as the grandmother being transparent. You could definitely expand on those thoughts which would then help you prove why that helps make the ad successful.
Other than that, watch your effect/affect. And I'm sure you'll expand it to make it the min. length.
the essay looks pretty solid. your analysis was solid and i totally understtod the ad. You made sure to hit every point that needed to be touched on as stated by the prompt. Try to add another 200 words or so to give this paper more length. Also, you finish with a 247 word paragraph. That is a tad long for me. Maybe, split the paragraph in two, between your summaary and the overall effectiveness. That would make the ending more finite. finally, work that first paragraph. I was preapared to read an essay about the disease, not advertisment. You did not state the word advertisement/ad until about 73 words in. Maybe try reworking it so the paragraph is more about advertisement or health advertisement rather than the disease.
Everyhting in your body made sense. good essay just polish it up.
The essay is super descriptive! I really like the word choice and the structure. However, I think that in your conclusion you introduce the text (in the ad), rather than introducing/elaborating upon it in the body. You could easily add another paragraph on the text, which in turn would shorten your conclusion. Other than that, it looks great!
You did a very good job!
ReplyDeleteThe intro was very interesting and draws the reader in. The description of the ad was very good because even if you hadn't sent the pictures of the ad, I would be able to picture the ad. Also the critique of the ad in the last paragraph is good. It makes the paper more dynamic.
You might want to consider creating more of a transition from the description of Alzheimers in the intro to your thesis. It sort of creates the feeling that your paper is more about the disease than the ad. You also bring up some very interesting ideas such as the grandmother being transparent. You could definitely expand on those thoughts which would then help you prove why that helps make the ad successful.
Other than that, watch your effect/affect. And I'm sure you'll expand it to make it the min. length.
:)
the essay looks pretty solid. your analysis was solid and i totally understtod the ad. You made sure to hit every point that needed to be touched on as stated by the prompt. Try to add another 200 words or so to give this paper more length. Also, you finish with a 247 word paragraph. That is a tad long for me. Maybe, split the paragraph in two, between your summaary and the overall effectiveness. That would make the ending more finite. finally, work that first paragraph. I was preapared to read an essay about the disease, not advertisment. You did not state the word advertisement/ad until about 73 words in. Maybe try reworking it so the paragraph is more about advertisement or health advertisement rather than the disease.
ReplyDeleteEveryhting in your body made sense. good essay just polish it up.
Nice Job
The essay is super descriptive! I really like the word choice and the structure. However, I think that in your conclusion you introduce the text (in the ad), rather than introducing/elaborating upon it in the body. You could easily add another paragraph on the text, which in turn would shorten your conclusion. Other than that, it looks great!
ReplyDelete