Title: Ads in your face- I don't think the title should start with a personal pronoun, maybe you could use an alternative like "Ads Everywhere" or something of that sort. The first sentence also seems kind of like a thought process instead of a sentence. The structure needs to be worded/simplified a little better so to better understand the concept! (I mean, I get what your trying to say, but I had to read it a couple of times to get a long the lines of what you were talking about)
"Keeps you on the page" this could be modified to something a long the lines of "catches one's immediate attention".
2nd paragraph: I like the description of the ad, it helps especially since I don't have the ad in front of me and helps with the concept of it all. (Quick note: don't forget to indent the 3rd paragraph). The analysis is well explained an overall, I really like your essay. For the conclusion you could add a sort of lingering thought about what how wouldnt the audience want to look forward to a happy future for the cure of breast cancer, or would they rather see the grim faces of those who are suffering? It could help show the effectiveness of the ad more.
Breast cancer is normally something a lot of people associate as just a women thing, thank you for incorporating that it is not just about the cause but the event and how everyone is involved. It pulls the reader in this way. The way you compare the ad and a television ad provides a really nice contrast, and your analysis of the ad is very well done. Your ending is very nice as it provides a really nice wrap up of the whole argument. Be careful of using contractions in a formal paper, I spotted one in the last sentence.
I definitely like the structure of your essay. I felt I could follow each of your points and like how you slowly brought up each part of the ad so the reader could process each part.
I'd like to see some more talk about how the ad displays the walk places and times. I assume the main purpose of the ad is to get the reader to join a walk and I would think that the walk text might have more you can analyze in addition to what you talked about. Not being able to see the ad I could be wrong.
The ad seems to have several different goals. To make people aware of breast cancer, to have them donate money, to have them go to walks, etc. It might be helpful in your conclusion if you state each of these goals and summarize what parts of the ad help accomplish each one of them. This might also be a good way to organize the essay although I think it's organized pretty well already.
You could also talk more about the women in the photo. You stated that they represent everyday people that the reader could identify with. Maybe go more into detail about why that is. Are they wearing normal clothes? not in super shape? older?
I like the color and light analysis and I got a good idea of how some of more subliminal element of the ad serve to make the reader feel happy. If there are other elements like this I'd love to hear about them.
Definitely a good essay so far just keep adding to it.
I had just noticed I posted this comment on my post instead of yours haha, I'm sorry!!
Hey Sam!!
Loved you advertisement, I think it was a great choice and would have loved to see it when reading. The main things I have for you are just ideas for flow. Your introductory paragraph is great and grabs the interest of the reader. Maybe think to put a little outline into how the analysis will continue through out the paper, its hard to go from aspect to aspect in analysis when the reader doesn’t know what is coming next.
You composition part with color was GREAT!! I saw a few typos just read it aloud and you will catch them no problem.
I really thing your argument is strong but possibly further it with using outside sources. Some examples maybe would be the demographics of the viewing audience. Also, when you mention to solemnest of most cancer advertisements, maybe discuss one in particular to compare. However, if you do make sure it doesn’t take away from the main advertisement.
The symbolism with the linking arms---LOVED IT!!!!
In the conclusion paragraph, the word choice of humorous throws me off a little personally. With what I’m envisioning the ad to be (which can be completely from left field so take this comment if it applys) is more of a tone of hope rather than humor.
Great argument, just make sure you comb it for typos and subject verb agreements with plurals and singulars. Also be careful with passive voice. Otherwise you’re solid!!
Title: Ads in your face- I don't think the title should start with a personal pronoun, maybe you could use an alternative like "Ads Everywhere" or something of that sort. The first sentence also seems kind of like a thought process instead of a sentence. The structure needs to be worded/simplified a little better so to better understand the concept! (I mean, I get what your trying to say, but I had to read it a couple of times to get a long the lines of what you were talking about)
ReplyDelete"Keeps you on the page" this could be modified to something a long the lines of "catches one's immediate attention".
2nd paragraph: I like the description of the ad, it helps especially since I don't have the ad in front of me and helps with the concept of it all. (Quick note: don't forget to indent the 3rd paragraph). The analysis is well explained an overall, I really like your essay. For the conclusion you could add a sort of lingering thought about what how wouldnt the audience want to look forward to a happy future for the cure of breast cancer, or would they rather see the grim faces of those who are suffering? It could help show the effectiveness of the ad more.
Overall, I liked it :) & Hope this helps
- Arsa Ghazal
Breast cancer is normally something a lot of people associate as just a women thing, thank you for incorporating that it is not just about the cause but the event and how everyone is involved. It pulls the reader in this way. The way you compare the ad and a television ad provides a really nice contrast, and your analysis of the ad is very well done. Your ending is very nice as it provides a really nice wrap up of the whole argument. Be careful of using contractions in a formal paper, I spotted one in the last sentence.
ReplyDelete- Tiffany Zhao
I definitely like the structure of your essay. I felt I could follow each of your points and like how you slowly brought up each part of the ad so the reader could process each part.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see some more talk about how the ad displays the walk places and times. I assume the main purpose of the ad is to get the reader to join a walk and I would think that the walk text might have more you can analyze in addition to what you talked about. Not being able to see the ad I could be wrong.
The ad seems to have several different goals. To make people aware of breast cancer, to have them donate money, to have them go to walks, etc. It might be helpful in your conclusion if you state each of these goals and summarize what parts of the ad help accomplish each one of them. This might also be a good way to organize the essay although I think it's organized pretty well already.
You could also talk more about the women in the photo. You stated that they represent everyday people that the reader could identify with. Maybe go more into detail about why that is. Are they wearing normal clothes? not in super shape? older?
I like the color and light analysis and I got a good idea of how some of more subliminal element of the ad serve to make the reader feel happy. If there are other elements like this I'd love to hear about them.
Definitely a good essay so far just keep adding to it.
I had just noticed I posted this comment on my post instead of yours haha, I'm sorry!!
ReplyDeleteHey Sam!!
Loved you advertisement, I think it was a great choice and would have loved to see it when reading. The main things I have for you are just ideas for flow. Your introductory paragraph is great and grabs the interest of the reader. Maybe think to put a little outline into how the analysis will continue through out the paper, its hard to go from aspect to aspect in analysis when the reader doesn’t know what is coming next.
You composition part with color was GREAT!! I saw a few typos just read it aloud and you will catch them no problem.
I really thing your argument is strong but possibly further it with using outside sources. Some examples maybe would be the demographics of the viewing audience. Also, when you mention to solemnest of most cancer advertisements, maybe discuss one in particular to compare. However, if you do make sure it doesn’t take away from the main advertisement.
The symbolism with the linking arms---LOVED IT!!!!
In the conclusion paragraph, the word choice of humorous throws me off a little personally. With what I’m envisioning the ad to be (which can be completely from left field so take this comment if it applys) is more of a tone of hope rather than humor.
Great argument, just make sure you comb it for typos and subject verb agreements with plurals and singulars. Also be careful with passive voice. Otherwise you’re solid!!