Hi Sachin, Your paper is overall good, you got down a lot of points explaining how your ad is persuasive. Reading your paper makes me want to grab a cup of Starbucks myself.
I like how you incorporated the text with people's emotion. I wouldn't change paper.
Your essay is very well developed (6 pages! OMG) and you analyzed the ad well. But, many times it’s kind of unorganized. For instance, you bring up a point in the beginning and then you bring it up again later. For example, I remember you talked about the light calories a few times and they were in different paragraphs. Maybe you can start with the picture of the girl and then go into the text and then go into the medium etc. Have some sort of order so that it’s easier for your audience to read. Your tone and word choice is extremely good…it definitely sounds like an intellectual analysis of the ad! Your tense is also strong and good. I liked how you talked about the pathos used and connected everything to the feeling of “love”.
Sometimes you repeat the same points over and over again. It’s good because we get your point on what the main message the ad is trying to say is, but at the same time it gets too repetitive and long. So maybe you can try to cut it down a little bit? Your conclusion is well developed, but again, repetitive.
Overall, amazing essay. You really did a good job stripping the ad and its rhetoric tools! Good job!
You do a wonderful job of describing the ad, but the intro paragraph is a little long. Maybe cut it in half. I don't really have too much to say, just make sure your paper is in active voice and that you don't use any proper pronouns. You did a great job addressing the pathos used in this ad as well.
Hi Sachin,
ReplyDeleteYour paper is overall good, you got down a lot of points explaining how your ad is persuasive. Reading your paper makes me want to grab a cup of Starbucks myself.
I like how you incorporated the text with people's emotion. I wouldn't change paper.
Sandy Chuah
Your essay is very well developed (6 pages! OMG) and you analyzed the ad well. But, many times it’s kind of unorganized. For instance, you bring up a point in the beginning and then you bring it up again later. For example, I remember you talked about the light calories a few times and they were in different paragraphs. Maybe you can start with the picture of the girl and then go into the text and then go into the medium etc. Have some sort of order so that it’s easier for your audience to read. Your tone and word choice is extremely good…it definitely sounds like an intellectual analysis of the ad! Your tense is also strong and good. I liked how you talked about the pathos used and connected everything to the feeling of “love”.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you repeat the same points over and over again. It’s good because we get your point on what the main message the ad is trying to say is, but at the same time it gets too repetitive and long. So maybe you can try to cut it down a little bit? Your conclusion is well developed, but again, repetitive.
Overall, amazing essay. You really did a good job stripping the ad and its rhetoric tools! Good job!
You do a wonderful job of describing the ad, but the intro paragraph is a little long. Maybe cut it in half. I don't really have too much to say, just make sure your paper is in active voice and that you don't use any proper pronouns. You did a great job addressing the pathos used in this ad as well.
ReplyDelete