I really like your introductory sentence because it catches the reader’s attention. However, a lot of the times, your language is way too informal (like “butt” and “bunch of men and women” and “crashed a party” and “actually somewhat looking” and “things flying” and etc.). Recheck your spelling and grammar (like “affecting” should be “effecting” and “form” should be “from” and etc). Also, maybe explain a little bit more about teen vogue and why it was put inside teen vogue. You describe how the ad looks like really well, but remember that the reader will have the ad so they know what the ad looks like. Try to analyze the ad more and talk about why the color scheme and lighting that you mention is a good rhetoric tool. And why is the perspective the way is the way you mentioned? I liked how you talked about texture of the pages and how that grabs the reader’s attention. You can expand more about how Juicy Couture’s main rhetoric tool is to stand out and be a little punk-rock. Your last paragraph is good when you talk about your analysis of their slogan “make a mess”. You started a good point on that and you should expand more upon it! I never really thought of it like that until you said it Also, the rubric says you need a concluding paragraph that talks about whether you think the ad is effective or not and why or why not. Overall, you have a good start and some good points! You just need to expand a little more and go more in-depth with the ad. Good job!
I like the intro as well, but you need to look over your tense used through out the paper. Switch over to present (active) voice. And just make sure that you're not using proper pronouns. Your sentences are kind of unclear, very wordy and some are confusing. You make valid points though. Your first paragraph breaks down the ad very well, but as Prof. stated we really don't have to describe it as much and just analyze the way its layed out and how that helps the ad. You did a good job of talking about the audience that is targeted in the ad. Just elaborate more on how the ad uses the woman and the outfits to target the audience.
I like your intro beacause it jumps right into it. no beating around the bush. You gave very vivid discriptions and your use of color persepective really gives the reader a feal for what your advertisement is all about.
overall i accutally found yours really intresting to read . there were a few grammer but it was still a strong essay.
I really like your introductory sentence because it catches the reader’s attention. However, a lot of the times, your language is way too informal (like “butt” and “bunch of men and women” and “crashed a party” and “actually somewhat looking” and “things flying” and etc.). Recheck your spelling and grammar (like “affecting” should be “effecting” and “form” should be “from” and etc). Also, maybe explain a little bit more about teen vogue and why it was put inside teen vogue. You describe how the ad looks like really well, but remember that the reader will have the ad so they know what the ad looks like. Try to analyze the ad more and talk about why the color scheme and lighting that you mention is a good rhetoric tool. And why is the perspective the way is the way you mentioned? I liked how you talked about texture of the pages and how that grabs the reader’s attention. You can expand more about how Juicy Couture’s main rhetoric tool is to stand out and be a little punk-rock. Your last paragraph is good when you talk about your analysis of their slogan “make a mess”. You started a good point on that and you should expand more upon it! I never really thought of it like that until you said it Also, the rubric says you need a concluding paragraph that talks about whether you think the ad is effective or not and why or why not. Overall, you have a good start and some good points! You just need to expand a little more and go more in-depth with the ad. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Soo
I like the intro as well, but you need to look over your tense used through out the paper. Switch over to present (active) voice. And just make sure that you're not using proper pronouns. Your sentences are kind of unclear, very wordy and some are confusing. You make valid points though. Your first paragraph breaks down the ad very well, but as Prof. stated we really don't have to describe it as much and just analyze the way its layed out and how that helps the ad. You did a good job of talking about the audience that is targeted in the ad. Just elaborate more on how the ad uses the woman and the outfits to target the audience.
ReplyDeleteHEy sandy,
ReplyDeleteI like your intro beacause it jumps right into it. no beating around the bush. You gave very vivid discriptions and your use of color persepective really gives the reader a feal for what your advertisement is all about.
overall i accutally found yours really intresting to read . there were a few grammer but it was still a strong essay.
^ soo stole all the words right out of my mouth