If you would like me to send you your paper with comments, I can do that.
You had a very good thesis--it was clear and the rest of your argument definitely backed up that statement. Your explanation of the product was very helpful and set up the argument of why the advertisement was successful.
I know I didn't get to see the ad myself, but perhaps there could be a bit more of an explanation of the way the two pictures relate to one another. What separates the two pictures?
In your introduction, you use "we" a few times. You might want to change that so the entire paper is in third person. Other than that, watch your comma usage and slashes can be substituted with "or". And I'm sure you'll be adding more to the length to make it a full 4 pages. :)
Jennifer: Your essay was enjoyable as well. I like how you point out the context of the ad and how it appeals to women because of the sexual charm. Your essay focuses on heavily on the context and some of the medium and message that gives to the audience. Try to reel it back in and remind the reader why ad makes people want to buy it within the essay.
Definitely make sure that your essay is a little longer. This is cutting it close to the minimum. With that said, your points all seem valid to me. Maybe you can add one more aspect of the advertisement that you did not cover. You could expand on the caption like what the letters look and where they are on the advertisement, not just what it states. Also, you might want to check your word choice. For example, you chose to use the word "kinky" which may nat be the best word to choose in a scholarly paper, the word permiscuous may be a better choice.
Obviously this is knit picking on technical stuff. The content you have is flushed out pretty well. I like the argumant and analysis you have so far. just try to add something to make your paper more lengthy.
If you would like me to send you your paper with comments, I can do that.
ReplyDeleteYou had a very good thesis--it was clear and the rest of your argument definitely backed up that statement. Your explanation of the product was very helpful and set up the argument of why the advertisement was successful.
I know I didn't get to see the ad myself, but perhaps there could be a bit more of an explanation of the way the two pictures relate to one another. What separates the two pictures?
In your introduction, you use "we" a few times. You might want to change that so the entire paper is in third person. Other than that, watch your comma usage and slashes can be substituted with "or". And I'm sure you'll be adding more to the length to make it a full 4 pages. :)
Good job!
Jennifer:
ReplyDeleteYour essay was enjoyable as well. I like how you point out the context of the ad and how it appeals to women because of the sexual charm. Your essay focuses on heavily on the context and some of the medium and message that gives to the audience. Try to reel it back in and remind the reader why ad makes people want to buy it within the essay.
Definitely make sure that your essay is a little longer. This is cutting it close to the minimum. With that said, your points all seem valid to me. Maybe you can add one more aspect of the advertisement that you did not cover. You could expand on the caption like what the letters look and where they are on the advertisement, not just what it states. Also, you might want to check your word choice. For example, you chose to use the word "kinky" which may nat be the best word to choose in a scholarly paper, the word permiscuous may be a better choice.
ReplyDeleteObviously this is knit picking on technical stuff. The content you have is flushed out pretty well. I like the argumant and analysis you have so far. just try to add something to make your paper more lengthy.