page 1 -- When analyzing the article in aspects I guess you mean ad?
You touched on women and their body issues in the beginning, maybe bring that up again, expand more on it. How it can relate to a woman's ad for imporving their look? It'd be interesting since their attitudes should be totally different about themselves. I think that the ad totally relates to the other women in the magazine because i'm sure they're shaved and smooth just as he is! :P
page 3 -- Phillips Norelco shows that they have found the cure for this stigma. I'd think the stigma would be more that it's not just for women to groom themselves excessively (just my opinion).
Your paper is really interesting since masculinity is usually seen as rugged and some men wouldn't want to go through all the hassle of manscaping. I think you did a great job with showing that the ad is convincing the audience to improve their looks with the grooming producuts, especially with the quote from the guy from Harvard.
I had the same question-- by article it doesn't seem like you are talking about the ad for a second there... (a little confusing) I honestly think I really like your essay, there really isn't much I can say I'd change about it, I love how descriptive you were about it and all the background info w/ Phillip Norelco, it really shows that you know what you are talking about. Overall, I think you did a fantastic job in convincing the readers about the effectiveness of the ad on men enhancing their looks by using those grooming products.
Loved you advertisement, I think it was a great choice and would have loved to see it when reading. The main things I have for you are just ideas for flow. Your introductory paragraph is great and grabs the interest of the reader. Maybe think to put a little outline into how the analysis will continue through out the paper, its hard to go from aspect to aspect in analysis when the reader doesn’t know what is coming next.
You composition part with color was GREAT!! I saw a few typos just read it aloud and you will catch them no problem.
I really thing your argument is strong but possibly further it with using outside sources. Some examples maybe would be the demographics of the viewing audience. Also, when you mention to solemnest of most cancer advertisements, maybe discuss one in particular to compare. However, if you do make sure it doesn’t take away from the main advertisement.
The symbolism with the linking arms---LOVED IT!!!!
In the conclusion paragraph, the word choice of humorous throws me off a little personally. With what I’m envisioning the ad to be (which can be completely from left field so take this comment if it applys) is more of a tone of hope rather than humor.
Great argument, just make sure you comb it for typos and subject verb agreements with plurals and singulars. Also be careful with passive voice. Otherwise you’re solid!!
You have a very strong argument, and I loved how you backed all your points up. Your introduction was very well written and very good at capturing my attention. Watch the use of the word "is". Personally, when it appears too much, it starts distracting me from the actual paper. Thank you for defining the targeted audience so well, because for a few lines, I was wondering who exactly the magazines were aimed for. You connect the ad features and your analysis very nicely. Your argument for the ad is well made and convincing.
Very well written. You did a good job of using citations to strengthen your argument and I liked how you analyzed the cover and rest of the magazine to show the audience and context of the ad.
It might be helpful to talk about what the text in each of the boxes say. Of course I can't see the ad so maybe it would be covered if I could see and read it while reading your essay. Also is there anything in the background that might be useful?
You could also talk about how boxes usually act as a form of censoring and by putting them on hairy areas it implies that hair is itself objectionable and harmful. You talk about the benefits of having no hair but I don't think you mentioned that the ad implies having hair is bad for you (I assume).
Is there any part of the ad that extols Norelco over any other brand of razor or is it more concentrated on shaving as a whole?
page 1 -- When analyzing the article in aspects
ReplyDeleteI guess you mean ad?
You touched on women and their body issues in the beginning, maybe bring that up again, expand more on it. How it can relate to a woman's ad for imporving their look? It'd be interesting since their attitudes should be totally different about themselves. I think that the ad totally relates to the other women in the magazine because i'm sure they're shaved and smooth just as he is! :P
page 3 -- Phillips Norelco shows that they have found the cure for this stigma.
I'd think the stigma would be more that it's not just for women to groom themselves excessively (just my opinion).
Your paper is really interesting since masculinity is usually seen as rugged and some men wouldn't want to go through all the hassle of manscaping. I think you did a great job with showing that the ad is convincing the audience to improve their looks with the grooming producuts, especially with the quote from the guy from Harvard.
Samantha Goldstein
I had the same question-- by article it doesn't seem like you are talking about the ad for a second there... (a little confusing)
ReplyDeleteI honestly think I really like your essay, there really isn't much I can say I'd change about it, I love how descriptive you were about it and all the background info w/ Phillip Norelco, it really shows that you know what you are talking about. Overall, I think you did a fantastic job in convincing the readers about the effectiveness of the ad on men enhancing their looks by using those grooming products.
:) - Arsa Ghazal
Hey Sam!!
ReplyDeleteLoved you advertisement, I think it was a great choice and would have loved to see it when reading. The main things I have for you are just ideas for flow. Your introductory paragraph is great and grabs the interest of the reader. Maybe think to put a little outline into how the analysis will continue through out the paper, its hard to go from aspect to aspect in analysis when the reader doesn’t know what is coming next.
You composition part with color was GREAT!! I saw a few typos just read it aloud and you will catch them no problem.
I really thing your argument is strong but possibly further it with using outside sources. Some examples maybe would be the demographics of the viewing audience. Also, when you mention to solemnest of most cancer advertisements, maybe discuss one in particular to compare. However, if you do make sure it doesn’t take away from the main advertisement.
The symbolism with the linking arms---LOVED IT!!!!
In the conclusion paragraph, the word choice of humorous throws me off a little personally. With what I’m envisioning the ad to be (which can be completely from left field so take this comment if it applys) is more of a tone of hope rather than humor.
Great argument, just make sure you comb it for typos and subject verb agreements with plurals and singulars. Also be careful with passive voice. Otherwise you’re solid!!
You have a very strong argument, and I loved how you backed all your points up. Your introduction was very well written and very good at capturing my attention. Watch the use of the word "is". Personally, when it appears too much, it starts distracting me from the actual paper. Thank you for defining the targeted audience so well, because for a few lines, I was wondering who exactly the magazines were aimed for. You connect the ad features and your analysis very nicely. Your argument for the ad is well made and convincing.
ReplyDelete- Tiffany Zhao
Very well written. You did a good job of using citations to strengthen your argument and I liked how you analyzed the cover and rest of the magazine to show the audience and context of the ad.
ReplyDeleteIt might be helpful to talk about what the text in each of the boxes say. Of course I can't see the ad so maybe it would be covered if I could see and read it while reading your essay. Also is there anything in the background that might be useful?
You could also talk about how boxes usually act as a form of censoring and by putting them on hairy areas it implies that hair is itself objectionable and harmful. You talk about the benefits of having no hair but I don't think you mentioned that the ad implies having hair is bad for you (I assume).
Is there any part of the ad that extols Norelco over any other brand of razor or is it more concentrated on shaving as a whole?
Overall a really good essay and well layed out.