For not being able to see your ad, I really like your paper.
page 2 -- The way he has dark, almost with a blue tint to them, and the way they gently brush up against his forehead, display a mysterious and sexy man. I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about there.
page 3 -- movies and shows like twilight and vampire diaries those should be capitlized :P
page 3 -- The technique used for the text is rather subtle, the text in white has a sort of parallel view to it, as the audience reads the words, they lead to the Bleu de Chanel cologne bottle, fixing the eyes on the simplicity of the sapphire lined bottle. That sounds a little off to me, I guess all the commas.
Other than those minor things, I really liked it. You went into great detail and that really helped since I can't see what the ad is.
I agree with Samantha in stating I like you ideas in your paper as well as how you connect them to the audience. The strongest part I would say is the audience analysis. In showing that the advertisement is removable is a great advantage to it and make it appeal men and women shopping at Macy's.
Some suggestions would be to work on the flow of the paper. While all points presented are great and well thought out, with out clearly stating which aspect you are talking about in which paragraph slightly confused me when I was reading. Maybe in you introduction you can layout the form of your paper, by listing which aspects you are viewing/analyzing and in which order they will appear, this will give readers a slight guide to your paper. Following it restate the points and connect them will analysis at the conclusion to provide an internal summery and further solidify your points in the readers head.
Be careful when using quotations, you have to cite those in the paper when they come directly from another persons ideas. Also, be careful that you only use quotations for cited words and or phases and not slang terminology.
All in all great paper like I said, feel free to delve deep in analysis as long as you can support it. And I agree that it was successful, as I have the Bleu de Chanel myself ☺. However, bias aside, your argument was sufficient, just needs minor fixes of citations and organization and you are good to go!!!
I agree that changing the organization would help. I like the opening paragraph but maybe you could include a preview of what your going to talk about in each paragraph as Fred mentioned. Also try to confine each paragraph to certain part of the ad and make sure all your points refer back that point.
Also the history was interesting but be sure you connect it to the how the ad gets it's point across or influences the viewer. How is the ad different than what they were doing before or is it a reference to the companies older ads?
I really like descriptions of the feelings. Sometimes it was hard to follow exactly what part of the ad was supposed bring up those feelings and how it did so. Just be sure you explain how the ad relates to feelings you feel from it.
I'd like to see some more talk about the context of the ad itself in the Macy's magazine. For example you say the ad immediately catches your eye but don't explain why. Of course seeing the ad might help with that.
Overall I think you did a great job getting to the underlying intent of ad and the physiological undertones of it. Just be sure you make clear connections between what the viewer is seeing and what they are viewing.
The paper opens to a very readable format. I like the fact that I feel like you’re taking me through the magazine, and I can imagine having that one eye stopping ad. I know he said not to summarize the ad, but I love how you introduced and included some background on the company producing the ad. I appreciate the introduction of an aspect of the ad and then your analysis introduced. Although I like the readability of the paper, there are times when it seems to stray away from being a college level analysis paper. Vary your sentence structure a little more, and I think that should do it. Good job!
For not being able to see your ad, I really like your paper.
ReplyDeletepage 2 -- The way he has dark, almost with a blue tint to them, and the way they gently brush up against his forehead, display a mysterious and sexy man.
I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about there.
page 3 -- movies and shows like twilight and vampire diaries
those should be capitlized :P
page 3 -- The technique used for the text is rather subtle, the text in white has a sort of parallel view to it, as the audience reads the words, they lead to the Bleu de Chanel cologne bottle, fixing the eyes on the simplicity of the sapphire lined bottle.
That sounds a little off to me, I guess all the commas.
Other than those minor things, I really liked it. You went into great detail and that really helped since I can't see what the ad is.
Samantha Goldstein
I agree with Samantha in stating I like you ideas in your paper as well as how you connect them to the audience. The strongest part I would say is the audience analysis. In showing that the advertisement is removable is a great advantage to it and make it appeal men and women shopping at Macy's.
ReplyDeleteSome suggestions would be to work on the flow of the paper. While all points presented are great and well thought out, with out clearly stating which aspect you are talking about in which paragraph slightly confused me when I was reading. Maybe in you introduction you can layout the form of your paper, by listing which aspects you are viewing/analyzing and in which order they will appear, this will give readers a slight guide to your paper. Following it restate the points and connect them will analysis at the conclusion to provide an internal summery and further solidify your points in the readers head.
Be careful when using quotations, you have to cite those in the paper when they come directly from another persons ideas. Also, be careful that you only use quotations for cited words and or phases and not slang terminology.
All in all great paper like I said, feel free to delve deep in analysis as long as you can support it. And I agree that it was successful, as I have the Bleu de Chanel myself ☺. However, bias aside, your argument was sufficient, just needs minor fixes of citations and organization and you are good to go!!!
I agree that changing the organization would help. I like the opening paragraph but maybe you could include a preview of what your going to talk about in each paragraph as Fred mentioned. Also try to confine each paragraph to certain part of the ad and make sure all your points refer back that point.
ReplyDeleteAlso the history was interesting but be sure you connect it to the how the ad gets it's point across or influences the viewer. How is the ad different than what they were doing before or is it a reference to the companies older ads?
I really like descriptions of the feelings. Sometimes it was hard to follow exactly what part of the ad was supposed bring up those feelings and how it did so. Just be sure you explain how the ad relates to feelings you feel from it.
I'd like to see some more talk about the context of the ad itself in the Macy's magazine. For example you say the ad immediately catches your eye but don't explain why. Of course seeing the ad might help with that.
Overall I think you did a great job getting to the underlying intent of ad and the physiological undertones of it. Just be sure you make clear connections between what the viewer is seeing and what they are viewing.
The paper opens to a very readable format. I like the fact that I feel like you’re taking me through the magazine, and I can imagine having that one eye stopping ad. I know he said not to summarize the ad, but I love how you introduced and included some background on the company producing the ad. I appreciate the introduction of an aspect of the ad and then your analysis introduced. Although I like the readability of the paper, there are times when it seems to stray away from being a college level analysis paper. Vary your sentence structure a little more, and I think that should do it. Good job!
ReplyDelete- Tiffany Zhao