First off, don't start your essay off with "this", you should have some sort of hook that will pull in the readers. I like the thesis statement, it tells us what you are going to be analyzing. "Making her catch your eye" - avoid personal pronouns, so you could use something one's eye or the audience's eye, something along those lines. I like the very detailed analysis of the text as well as the careful analysis of the way her face is turned away, putting the intended audience in her place. There are only a few technical aspects (a few grammar mistakes), but overall its quite well written :)
Your paper is very detailed and I think you did a great job relating everything the ad has to offer and how it convinces the audience to buy the product. Arsa is right about creating a hook to draw the reader in. Maybe don't start off with just the Reebok ad; lead with how you found the ad flipping through the pages? Why it may stop someone to look at the ad?
The paper did a great job of convincing me that the ad was successful, especially because I am unable to see it!! The first suggestion would be to further expound on you introduction paragraph. While you get the main points of the ad’s argument and your thesis, expand further and give a slight background of the company or product if necessary. Also, give a sentence to outline the flow of analysis in the paper so the reader is able to know what’s coming.
When mentioning the 90% usage of the page, maybe look at the significance of the negative space, seeing if it helps the eye flow in a certain direction of the ad. Just a thought
Word choice- I’m not sure if using ad sounds too much like conversational language. Maybe primarily using advertisement with a few instances of ad to not get redundant would sound go and not affect the flow of the paper. (Word tip- if you want to change hit control+F and you can find how may times you use “ad” and see if you can use advertisement instead) again just a thought.
The main things would be to build up your conclusion and introduction paragraphs, this will allow the audience to have a slight background on the company as well as use outside sources in you paper to give facts to support. However, the paper is going in a good direction, KEEP IT ROLLIN’!!
Be careful not to summarize the ad too much. I like the explanation since I don’t have the ad in front of me, but I know the prompt did include not to summarize it too much. Your points are very well made. I like the how you explained how each aspect of the ad affected the reader in your second paragraph. It led the way very nicely to your mentioning of text and colors. The paper is very focused on how the ad affects the viewer and I think that type of approach is very effective. Some of the sentence construction could be worked on including word choice. Read it out loud, and I’m sure some wording choice may sound not completely right. Overall, great job!
First off, don't start your essay off with "this", you should have some sort of hook that will pull in the readers. I like the thesis statement, it tells us what you are going to be analyzing.
ReplyDelete"Making her catch your eye" - avoid personal pronouns, so you could use something one's eye or the audience's eye, something along those lines. I like the very detailed analysis of the text as well as the careful analysis of the way her face is turned away, putting the intended audience in her place. There are only a few technical aspects (a few grammar mistakes), but overall its quite well written :)
Your paper is very detailed and I think you did a great job relating everything the ad has to offer and how it convinces the audience to buy the product. Arsa is right about creating a hook to draw the reader in. Maybe don't start off with just the Reebok ad; lead with how you found the ad flipping through the pages? Why it may stop someone to look at the ad?
ReplyDeleteSamantha Goldstein
Alec-
ReplyDeleteThe paper did a great job of convincing me that the ad was successful, especially because I am unable to see it!! The first suggestion would be to further expound on you introduction paragraph. While you get the main points of the ad’s argument and your thesis, expand further and give a slight background of the company or product if necessary. Also, give a sentence to outline the flow of analysis in the paper so the reader is able to know what’s coming.
When mentioning the 90% usage of the page, maybe look at the significance of the negative space, seeing if it helps the eye flow in a certain direction of the ad. Just a thought
Word choice- I’m not sure if using ad sounds too much like conversational language. Maybe primarily using advertisement with a few instances of ad to not get redundant would sound go and not affect the flow of the paper. (Word tip- if you want to change hit control+F and you can find how may times you use “ad” and see if you can use advertisement instead) again just a thought.
The main things would be to build up your conclusion and introduction paragraphs, this will allow the audience to have a slight background on the company as well as use outside sources in you paper to give facts to support. However, the paper is going in a good direction, KEEP IT ROLLIN’!!
Be careful not to summarize the ad too much. I like the explanation since I don’t have the ad in front of me, but I know the prompt did include not to summarize it too much. Your points are very well made. I like the how you explained how each aspect of the ad affected the reader in your second paragraph. It led the way very nicely to your mentioning of text and colors. The paper is very focused on how the ad affects the viewer and I think that type of approach is very effective. Some of the sentence construction could be worked on including word choice. Read it out loud, and I’m sure some wording choice may sound not completely right. Overall, great job!
ReplyDelete- Tiffany Zhao