Hi Soo, You start off with a good point, a few advice for your essay. You can state who exactly is the audience, you do not really mention who it is, so that can help with your essay. But other than that I think your essay is okay.
I thought your intro was very strong, wich helps the entire paper flow well. I really liked the compairison between beer and being healthy was explained very well. overall the paper was very good with alot of strong key point. as sandy said above the audience can be made more clear. But everything else is great. GOOD WORK !
You intro is very strong and choice of ad is very interesting. I like how you break down each part of the ad and the affect it has on the audience viewing it. Try and make the voice active and cut down the use of pronouns. Good job.
Hi Soo,
ReplyDeleteYou start off with a good point, a few advice for your essay. You can state who exactly is the audience, you do not really mention who it is, so that can help with your essay.
But other than that I think your essay is okay.
Sandy Chuah
hey soo,
ReplyDeleteI thought your intro was very strong, wich helps the entire paper flow well. I really liked the compairison between beer and being healthy was explained very well. overall the paper was very good with alot of strong key point. as sandy said above the audience can be made more clear. But everything else is great. GOOD WORK !
You intro is very strong and choice of ad is very interesting. I like how you break down each part of the ad and the affect it has on the audience viewing it. Try and make the voice active and cut down the use of pronouns. Good job.
ReplyDelete